Looking for an old history paper in my documents I stumbled across this piece of wisdom from the summer before college, who knew how applicable it could still be….
Which generation was right? Who knows better? Who’s to say? More importantly, who decided it had to be one or the other?
After finding two twelve packs of assorted condoms in my room, my mom wanted to discuss values… well maybe this wasn’t her intent but certainly the conversation ended up this way. Her generation had sex before they were married, but according to my source, not in high school and certainly not casually. Ours on the other hand, has sex kind of whenever we feel like it — or so “experts” say we do. As my mother explains why modesty matters, she details how sex is the last thing you give to someone you care about, as a way to give them all of you. With this, she says you allow the person to have all of you when you have sex. I understand the concept but disagree with the logic. It is a much greater feat to get into someone’s heart rather than into their pants. There is so much more to me than a vagina; so much more I have to give. This brings me to the idea of the grey area, the middle ground. Why is it considered so wrong to know someone well, care about each other and choose to have sex? It’s not! You don’t need to know the details of the person’s soul to be emotionally connected and physically attracted to them. For example, let’s think of it as an emotional spectrum, 10 being you know the person as well as you can, 1 being you just met. When you hit the middle ground, four to seven, your mind starts to think about sex. Who am I kidding, you think about sex before you even hit one. But by the time we get up to four, fantasies are more likely to become realities. To me, having sex at a four doesn’t make you shallow, like having sex at a one doesn’t make you cheap. Sex will never control how close I ultimately feel to the person I am with. Physically, yes you feel close to those you know sexually, but this is where love and sex differ. The people you love are the eights, nines, and tens: the ones who know you inside and out and still stick around. Those who know your deepest secrets, most bothersome habits, and biggest pet peeves. At the opposite end, the ones, twos, and threes are the comic memories, casual flings, people you might have known better had the situation been different. These are the ones who drift in and out of your lives, as they do your bedrooms; the ones who know your hometown but not your middle name. The fours through sevens, those you dated, liked, were attracted to, were kind, funny, charming, – the majority of those one finds herself waking up next to fall into this category. These ones may know your goals, passing thoughts, fears; they have an idea of who you are and like what they see. Ultimately, there will be a ten, who not only understands your many aspirations and uncertainties, but shares them. This is the one you want to keep around.
However, finding a ten doesn’t discount the relations with one through nine. One through nine are lessons, people who helped you become someone’s “ten”. People you learned from, people who impacted your life- if you realized it or not, necessary stops on the way to the finish. If you wait for each one to develop to a ten every time, you’ll miss the fun, the memories, the rush, the living years, you’d miss a number of unique and valuable lessons in understanding human nature and understanding yourself.