It’s human to loathe being controlled. Yet it’s human to crave to control something, or sometimes, someone. Perhaps this is why they call it “human error,” ’cause we’re all really damn flawed.
If you couldn’t have detected, I talked to my American parents about (once again) extending my stay in Buenos Aires. And yet again, I was met with a resounding no.
After hyperventilating until my Argentine mom, cat, and dog, calmed me down, it dawned on me that this is just another human attempt at control. That in fact, maybe there’s not thousands of dollars lying around for me to stay in BA, but the money exists, and if they wanted to, they would find a way for me to stay. And so I realized that its not about money. It’s funny, because as of right now, they still think it’s about money too.
But it’s about control. When our lives seem out of control, or lackluster, or unfulfilling, we supplement by imposing these emotions on others. My parents are fully aware that everything I’ve been looking for, I have found here in Buenos Aires. Family, intellectual stimulation, love, something bigger than just me. The realization that they may still be looking for those things in their own lives is really tragic. I’m sure many people would do the same in their situation, attempt to control my life, condense my happiness back to the level they’re used to seeing – the only one they’ve ever known, the girl who wasn’t happy, but “content,” not bothered. But what does that say about the people we are?
I’m sure my parents aren’t the only people who covet the experience I have been so lucky to have. We’d all like to think we can be happy for everyone else, even those we love the most, but if you’re not right there, it’s almost virtually impossible. It’s like that awful period in time when a friend is just falling in love and you’re going through an awful breakup: as much as you try, you can not be genuinely happy for that person.
And I know this post is taking on a very negative, “2012,” End-Of-the-World tone. That wasn’t my intention, which was more to point out to myself, once again, that there are some things I just never want to grow into. And in this adolescence, and soon in my 20s, I hope I can avoid feeling the jealousy and need to control that they are now. I think I will not only make myself happier this way, but will save a fuck-ton of people time rethinking all my passive aggressive actions and comments.
And so to making yourself a better person, in spite of the negativity that comes with existing as a human, I propose a toast. And yea, it is 4pm.