Last night, my host family told me I could stay with them as long as I wanted after my program ended. I almost started crying: this meant I had to make my own decision, about three months of my life, budgeting, priorities, and ultimately trying to choose between two groups of people that I love. How the hell am I supposed to do that?
Initially, I reminded myself “Oh, I’ll have to talk to my parents.” This is a lame excuse for not being able to make a decision on my own. I know, in all reality, I will tell my parents I want to stay, my mom will cry, my dad will chuckle and raise his eyebrows, but both will agree I should come home and work to make up for the excessive debt they’ll be facing on their credit cards. But I ask myself, as the most objective party, would that be worth it? I know I wouldn’t work full time, because no company will employ me, nor could I ever work full time.
Furthermore, I am fully aware that asking my best friends, who have my so called “best-interest” at heart, will yield no positive response. The lunatics I share everything with will simply whine and tell me I need to come home because they miss me (how sweet). Now don’t overreact guys, I obviously miss you too.
I think I am solely trying to put off the terrible goodbyes that come with flying home. Staying here longer would mean staying for Inecita’s and Clari’s birthdays, and cooking my family a Thanksgiving dinner they’ve never had. When I mentioned Thanksgiving to my host mom, she said, “I don’t know what Thanksgiving is but we can have one.”
But what will I do if I don’t have school? Obviously travel, but I mostly imagine myself drinking coffee and expanding my wardrobe. If only I was a buyer for a fashion company! (If you’re interested, I’m available. Also offering personal styling services.)
I guess I have some kind of a plan for coming home. First, going to Brazil to get some color. Then when I get home, I’ll obviously restart my gym membership and call my previous employers to see if they’d take me in. I do miss my friends, and promised to spend a week in Boston, as well as time in the Carolinas, and Vermont. But I don’t like to overcommit myself.
Maybe I can teach English… but at this rate, I’m speaking English like it’s my second language. Kill me, I can’t speak anything fluently.
Either way, I’ll be home for Christmas. I’d love to play this idea off my parents but they’re jet setting and staying in hotels like the Chateau Frontenac while I suffer in $17/night hostels. Hope you’re having a great time guys!
This thought makes me think I should stay in various resorts to fill my time…
Clearly, anyone in their right mind would never return home, to school, work, and daily monotony, and live in a vacation forever. ….Easier said than done.